Long Awaited ... Jars?? ...and Lemons.

Have you ever noticed that some days seem much longer than others? I think God must have a jar of left over hours lying around that he needs to get rid of, so he slyly inserts them into people's bad days in hopes of one day emptying the jar. I hope he empties it soon....

Wow, that's a commentary of my life right now.

There I did it.





When life hands you lemons, dice them, insert into pre-made pie crust, and bake at 350 degrees for 1 hour. Serve and enjoy the shittiest pie you've ever eaten.

Morale Numbers

1 went to a movie. 2 was also in the crowd watching the movie. 1 sat right behind 2. 1 put their feet up on the back of 2's seat. 2 asked 1 to move them. 1 wouldn't. 2 told 1 to fuck off. 1 stood up and spit onto the top of 2's head. 2 turned punched 1 in the face, knocking 1 down and damaging their nose.

Was 1 justified in their decision to spit on 2?
Was 2 justified in their decision to punch 1?



What if I told you 1 is female, and 2 is male?
What if I told you 1 is black, and 2 is white?
What if I told you 1 is ugly, and 2 is gorgeous?



Think about how you view others based on their appearances.


when life hands you lemons, take time to wonder who else got handed them.

Random Brain Thoughts

Does anyone else think Jim Balsillie has a hilarious name?

There are a lot of crime labs and/or police stations with interior glass walls. I learned that from TV.

With all these car companies filing for bankruptcy, why are none of them having a "We're Fucking Broke Sale!" ?

When Lloyd Robertson thinks you're lame, you're really lame.

If humans get to the point, within my lifetime, to be able to colonize other planets, I'm going to volunteer to go. They don't have swine flu in space.

Anderson Cooper is a silver fox.

Sarah Palin's daughter, an unwed teen mother, is now speaking in support for teen abstinence! Her message for teens considering sex is basically that raising her kid is way harder than she thought it would be, so others should abstain so that they don't get in way over their heads like she is. That's almost as ridiculous as an inexperienced Governor from Alaska almost becoming the Vice President of the USA.

I think, in honour of Jim Balsillie, calling things "ball-silly" should be a new phrase that people will use. Thats not silly, it's ball-silly! Maybe it can mean something in hockey, but I'm not sure if hockey has room for anymore fun terms. I'll have to email Don Cherry and ask him.

when life hands you lemons, slice them into wedges and get a case of Brahma cause its summer baby!!!

Cars, Burgers and Lemony Justice!

Have you ever been to a Wireless Wave store? Yes? No? Well pretty much every mall has one. They sell cellphones and cellphone accessories (spoken in a Hank Hill accent). Well, they are known for having the front end of a car in all their stores.
Did you ever wonder if there is some giant Wireless Wave warehouse somewhere with the rear end of all theoe damn cars? Why would they only use half the car? Ever more puzzling, what does half a car have to do with cellphones and cellphone accessories?(this time lets do it as a Kramer impression)

In other news - I was at A&W the other day (Mozza Burgers rock!), and I noticed something hilarious.


You know how the trays at fast food places usually have a little paper place mat on them that is usually an ad, or, if you're lucky, fun facts and a word problem? Well A&W is mocking this tradition right now with their latest paper place mat. They just came out with the new Sirloin Uncle Burger, and their current place mat features all sorts of word games with an Uncle Burger theme. The best part is, every single answer to every single question is Sirloin. There is a word search that asks "How many secret ingredients of the Uncle Burger can you find?" and the only letters in the word search are S,I,R,L,O, and N. There is a word match section with only two things to match, "Sirloin" on one side and "Uncle Burger" on the other. There is a word jumble where each jumble is just a different way to mix up the word "Sirloin". There is even a 3 question crossword puzzle, where the clues are as follows:

"Premium cut of beef"
"Rhymes with firloin"
"Starts with sir, ends with loin"

If that wasn't enough they even put a list of the answers upside down at the bottom. It reads, "sirloin, sirloin, sirloin, etc. (for another 30 times)"

I think this parody of regular fast food paper place mats is hilarious and refreshing. I'm so glad that a big corporation like A&W is humble enough to make fun of themselves and their colleagues in a fun and interesting way. They don't go out of their way to seem like big shots, getting Justin Timberlake to sing "I'm loving it!" on their ads like a tool. (sorry Justin, I love you, but in that moment and several others throughout your career you have come off like a tool) Anyway, that is the brain thoughts for the day. Now for some lemony justice!

when life hands you lemons, throw them at Jimmy Fallon! (Bring Conan back!!!!!!)

StumbleUpon

Hello all!

So, with this post I thought I would discuss an application that I've been using for quite a while now, that I absolutely love, and that I don't think many people know about. It is called StumbleUpon, and it is also the first link I've ever posted in my blog (I feel all grown up now). I've graduated blog preschool or something cause I now know how to add links, pretty sweet!

Anyway, StumbleUpon is an application that you can download and add to your browser, for free, that allows you to rate every site you go onto. You either "like it" or "don't like it". Now, I know this doesn't sound too great yet, but there is much more to it than that. Once you have downloaded the Stumble toolbar you will now have a Stumble button in your browser. When clicked, the toolbar will take you to a page that it thinks you'll like based on what you have "liked" and "not liked" previously. In other words, you will "stumble upon" a site you've probably never seen before. StumbleUpon's motto is "the more you use it, the better it gets", for the more feedback you give the toolbar, the more it zeros in on your likes and interests. Also, every several times you hit the Stumble button, you will be directed to the your StumbleUpon account page where you can check off topics that interest you from a wide list. This only happens a couple times when you're first starting out so that the toolbar gets a jump start on knowing what you like, so that you see results sooner. I've been using it for about 8 months and almost every time I hit the Stumble button I'm taken to something new, and exciting that I never would have found on my own. You can also set filters and Stumble just within certain sites like Blogger or Colleghumor.

Another cool feature that StumbleUpon offers is the ability to see what your friends likes are by connecting to their account page. My sister and I are friends over Stumble and we enjoy checking up on what the other has stumbled upon, and learning from each other's interests. It is a great way to take in information and it ties into a lot of interesting discussion that I've read lately on how people want to receive their information uncensored and have more power over what they read, hear, and watch. If you would like some views on other ways in which people are receiving their information, check out this post on my friend Shane's blog.

I think the way in which humans want to receive their info, whether it be for news or entertainment, is changing and changing fast. I agree with a lot of the things on Shane's blog and the links that he has provided. There is also an interesting article, the link for which is posted in a comment on the article you'll arrive at if you follow the link to Shane's blog. Look into this stuff and let me know what you think. How will this affect TV stations? Radio? Music publishers and producers? Hollywood? It's really interesting, and something which everyone needs to learn about and be conscious of how they want to take in information.

when life hands you lemons, change the settings on your life RSS feed and filter out lemons - unless you love lemons, then you should add lemons to your favourites list

Long time coming!

So, this is my first post after the longest break I've taken so far since starting my blog. I told myself I would be faithful to my blog and post frequently, and I intend to continue that. I've had a five day break this time, and I think that I'm still within my guidelines of "frequently" by posting tonight. Let me know if you think I'm slacking. I know there are a bunch of people who read this that aren't "followers", so maybe if they know they can outright criticize me on here, they'll join and follow.

In this post I thought I would just list off some of the "Brain Thoughts" that have presented themselves to me during my 5 day blog vacation:

I heard a news report from a TV in the other room. It was about a cancer research fundraiser, and they were interviewing someone involved. The lady being interviewed said,"Cancer has touched me." Cancer sounds a bit forward, maybe it should have bought you dinner first.

I was in a Wendy's earlier today. This is a re-creation of the conversation I had with the girl at the counter:

Me: Hi, can I get a Baconator combo with fries and an iced tea please?
Girl: We don't have any pop. (in an annoyed voice)
Me: Oh.... Ok..... What do you have?
Girl: Um, I'll check.

she walks away, and returns in a couple seconds

Girl: We have bottled water and orange juice.
Me: Um....
Girl: Our pop machine is broken. It was working earlier, but now everything is watery.
Me: Oh.... I'll have an orange juice.
Girl: Ok.

That was a lot of fun.

when life hands you lemons, hollow them out and make tiny lemon jack-o-lanterns, trust me, once you put a tea light inside they'll end up looking like the lit ends of candles are coming to life

Coffee, urinals, and life lessons

So, you're on campus one day walking along drinking a coffee. You realize you need to go to the bathroom. You're by yourself and don't see anyone around you'd feel comfortable asking to hold your coffee, so you chance looking unsanitary and take your coffee into the bathroom. You're in luck! The sink counter is very close to the urinals (you are also obviously male... oh wait.... oh, no I was right the first time, you are). So, you set your almost empty coffee on the edge of the sink, and move to the urinal to begin Project Urine Escape. As you unzip your fly another person joins you at the urinal to your left. An awkward, "what's up?" is exchanged, followed by a innocent misguided glance which confirms for you that this person is also a male. Project Urine Escape is slow going at first and your companion finishes first. He moves to the sink to wash his hands while you finish up. The project is a success, and as you turn to the sink in triumph, you just catch a glimpse of Mr. Fastpee as he drops your coffee cup into the trash. There is a moment of pause in which he realizes that the cup he threw out had been yours (probably due too the look on your face). He sheepishly smiles, saying, "Sorry, I thought I was tidying up after some inconsiderate washroom goer."You say, "Thanks a lot! I guess you decided I didn't want the rest of that!" in a loud and angry manner. He looks quite guilty, mutters an apology, and leaves quickly.

OR

You say nothing. He says, "Hey, come on and let me buy you another coffee." You agree and follow him out of the washroom. The coffee trip turns into a long and enjoyable conversation. Over time, you become great friends with Mr Fastpee and you are close for the rest of your lives. You go hiking one day up a mountain, you break your leg and Fastpee carries you back down the mountain. Years after the mountain hike, you need a new kidney and Fastpee offers up his. He's the godfather of your children, a friend in times of need, and a lot of fun to be around. However, one day you come home to find Fastpee and your wife doing it like rabbits. You try to kill him on the spot, but he's much too strong for you. Your wife leaves you for him, and she gets custody of the kids. Old uncle Fastpee becomes step-dad Fastpee and your kids love him more than they love you. You get fired from your menial job the next day, and on the way home you try to kill yourself by jumping off a bridge. As your bad luck would have it, Fastpee is driving by, sees you, and stops you from jumping. You spend the rest of your miserable life in a phsyc ward.

The moral of the story: Don't be afraid to tell people how you really feel. You should have mouthed off to Mr. Fastpee.

when life hands you lemons, tell life what you really think about the lemons